am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
