When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize