do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
