I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
