If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
