I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
