Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
