Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
