Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
