Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
