70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Panties = found
Randomize
