If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
