lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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