Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
