My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
