I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
