i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
