I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Welp...herpes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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