I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
