I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
