He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to calm my uterus...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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