He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My dick has a subreddit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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