Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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