So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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