im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
