he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
