You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
