I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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