I accidentally had phone sex last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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