I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
