My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We got so high we made milksteak
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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