1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
