sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This baby is an asshole
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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