I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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