I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
