If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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