She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
