We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
