so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
