3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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