Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
