i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
