I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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