Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
