I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
