worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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