no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
