well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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