my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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