She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
