Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
