Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
