I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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