Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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