I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
