I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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