Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
