So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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