margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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