Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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