At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
