So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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