I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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