Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this beer tastes like vomit already
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize