Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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