new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
