You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
