it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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