So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
