just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
