I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
