I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize