I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
