I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
